The Moment Everything Changed
Picture this: It’s the early days of personal computing. I’m an executive assistant for IT leaders at duPont, and I hear Apple Computer is looking for someone to support their Finance Controller. The catch? You need to know how to use something called MultiPlan on an Apple 3 computer.
While I had some experience with Multiplan on a Digital Rainbow PC, I definitely wasn’t an expert. But I was curious enough to learn.
That curiosity landed me the job. Over the next eight years, I went from HR Assistant to HR Manager. Then Microsoft. Then 19 years of diverse HR roles, partnering with senior executives who probably had more degrees than I had years of experience. Then onto leading Talent at Under Armour, Blackbaud and Shutterfly!
But somewhere along the way, I discovered something that changed everything: The leaders who succeed aren’t the ones who fit the mold—they’re the ones who understand themselves deeply and leverage their unique style.
Why “Be Yourself” is Terrible Advice (Sort Of)
We’ve all heard it: “Just be yourself!”
Cool. But which self? Monday-morning-before-coffee self? In-the-zone-crushing-it self? Dealing-with-that-one-difficult-stakeholder self?
Here’s the truth: “Be yourself” only works when you actually know yourself.
And that’s where most of us get stuck.
Women in tech especially face this pressure cooker of expectations. We’re told to:
- Be confident (but not aggressive)
- Be collaborative (but also decisive)
- Be warm (but also commanding respect)
- Lead like [insert successful male tech leader], but, you know, with our own “female touch”
Eye roll so hard I can see my brain.
The Game-Changer: Understanding Communication Styles
Here’s what shifted everything for me: learning about DISC, a framework that identifies four primary communication styles. Some people are direct and results-driven. Others are enthusiastic and people-focused. Some prefer harmony and stability. Others are analytical and detail-oriented. We all have parts of each of these in our styles.
The revelation? We’re all wired differently, and none of these styles is better than the others.
The most effective leaders know their natural style and can adapt to connect with others.
The Real-World Impact
Throughout my career, I’ve worked with executives across every communication style imaginable. Early on, I would beat myself up when my natural approach didn’t land with certain leaders.
Then I learned to adapt.
Some executives wanted a one-page brief with three clear options—boom, done in 10 minutes. Others wanted to start with the vision and brainstorm possibilities together. Some needed time to process changes and preferred thoughtful check-ins. Others came ready for deep-dive questions and expected data-backed answers.
The result? I became known as someone who could work with anyone. Not because I was a chameleon with no identity, but because I was secure enough in my own style to flex when needed.
Why This Matters in Tech (Like, A LOT)
Tech is full of brilliant people with wildly different communication styles. And when we don’t understand these differences, chaos ensues:
- The decisive leader thinks the thoughtful engineer is too slow
- The big-picture thinker frustrates the detail-oriented developer
- The relationship-builder gets steamrolled by the results-driven executive
Sound familiar?
Here’s the magic: When you understand yourself AND can recognize how others prefer to communicate, you can connect with anyone.
My Superpower (And Yours)
I didn’t climb from executive assistant to VP because I had the right credentials or because I tried to lead like someone else.
I succeeded because I:
- Stayed curious about everything—technology, people, processes, myself
- Developed deep self-awareness of my strengths and growth edges
- Learned to adapt my communication style without losing my authenticity
- Embraced what made me different instead of trying to fit someone else’s mold
That’s not luck. That’s learnable. That’s available to you.
Your Challenge: Get Fearlessly Self-Aware
Here’s what I want you to do this week:
- Reflect on your natural style. When you’re comfortable and being yourself, how do you communicate? What energizes you? What drains you?
- Identify one person you struggle to communicate with. What might their style be? How could you adapt your approach to connect better?
- Embrace your weird. Your natural leadership style—the one that feels like breathing—that’s your superpower. Don’t try to be someone else.
- Practice flexibility. Adapting to others’ styles isn’t being fake. It’s being multilingual in leadership communication.
- Stay relentlessly curious. About yourself, about others, about everything. Curiosity will open doors that credentials never could.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need a degree from Stanford to be a great leader in tech.
You don’t need to lead like Sheryl Sandberg or Susan Wojcicki or whoever LinkedIn is telling you to emulate this week.
You need to be the most self-aware, curious, growth-oriented version of yourself.
Be fearless about knowing who you are.
Be fabulous by leveraging what makes you unique.
Be flexible enough to connect with anyone.
That’s the leadership trifecta. And it’s available to every single one of us—no credentials required.
Peggy Anderson is a leadership consultant and coach with 30+ years of HR and talent experience at companies including Apple, Microsoft, Under Armour, Blackbaud and Shutterfly. She specializes in helping women leaders discover and leverage their unique leadership voice through the power of self-awareness and effective communication. She has been a long time member of Charleston Women in Tech and currently serves on the Board.
Want to dive deeper? Join me at the Women in Industry event on April 17th for the “Fearless & Fabulous: Discover Your Unique Leadership Voice” workshop where we’ll explore communication styles through interactive exercises, real-world scenarios, and practical strategies you can implement immediately.
How has understanding (or not understanding) your communication style impacted your leadership journey? What’s been your biggest breakthrough in self-awareness?